So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
