It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
