I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
