well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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