so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
