Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
