My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
