He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
