Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
smell my finger.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
