Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this just has baby written all over it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
