Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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