Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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