On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
