is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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