he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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