Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize