we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
