I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
