Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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