True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
