i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How does one acquire holy water?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
