so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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