We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
