as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize