I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
