I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
