How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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