I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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