I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
