She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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