Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
