Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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