He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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