i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
