He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you had me at cake vodka
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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