I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
