How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
