Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
