we're blogging at a bar
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
