i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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