Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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