a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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