the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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