My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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