This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
