Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
