i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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