That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize