please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
