I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize