I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
