I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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