when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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