I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
