you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
