Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh god it's open bar.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
