Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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