I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize