I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
