Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
