And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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