can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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