Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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