My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
