So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
