I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
