meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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