there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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