Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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