i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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