Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
