Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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