How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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