You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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