I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
