jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
