piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
