I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
