i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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