My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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