My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
