i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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