I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize