Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
