i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize