im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
