I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
