C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
