Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
