Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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