just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
