My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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