Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
