One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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