3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
