worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
