the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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