dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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