tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
