if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
