Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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