who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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