There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
