so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's shark week go big or go home
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize