I want to have your abortion
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
