I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
