is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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