Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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