I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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