thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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