Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
