He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
