If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
