OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
