I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize